By: Brian
Tracy
Did you
ever stop to think that everything you are or ever will be is
completely up to you? Just imagine! You are where you are
because of who you are. Everything that exists in your life
exists because of you, because of your behavior, words and
actions. Because you have freedom of choice and because you have
chosen each and every circumstance of your life, you are
completely responsible for all of your success and failure, your
happiness and unhappiness, your present and future.
That thought is like a parachute jump: It’s scary and
exhilarating at the same time. It’s one of the biggest and most
important ideas that can ever occur to you, or anyone else. The
acceptance of personal responsibility is what separates the
adult from the child. It’s the great leap forward into maturity.
Responsibility is the hallmark of the fully integrated, fully
functioning human being. Responsibility goes hand in hand with
success, achievement, motivation, happiness and
self-actualization. It’s the absolute minimum requirement for
the accomplishment of everything you could ever really want in
life. Accepting that you’re completely responsible for yourself
and realizing that no one is coming to the rescue is the
beginning of peak performance. There’s very little that you
cannot do or have after you accept that “If it’s to be, it’s up
to me!”
The opposite of accepting responsibility is making excuses and
blaming people and things for what’s going on in your life. And
since everything we do is a matter of habit, if people get into
the habit of making excuses, they get into the habit of evading
responsibility at the same time. If they set a goal or objective
for themselves, they immediately create an excuse that they hold
in reserve just in case the accomplishment of the goal is too
difficult or requires more self-discipline and persistence than
they had thought. As soon as things start to go poorly,
irresponsible people trot out their excuse and let themselves
off the hook. But that won’t get them anywhere in the long run.
A basic law of human life was first espoused by Socrates more
than 400 years before Christ. It’s called the Law of Causality.
We call it the Law of Cause and Effect. It states that for every
effect in your life, there’s a cause. If there’s any effect that
you desire, or desire more of, you can trace it back to the
cause, and by duplicating the cause, you can have the effect.
For example, everyone wants to be healthy. If you set a high
level of physical health and energy as your goal, or the desired
effect, you can have it simply by finding out the cause, by
finding out what other healthy and energetic people do with
regard to diet, exercise and rest, and by doing the same thing.
If you do, you’re likely to get the same result. This is no
miracle. It sounds simple, but in many cases, it’s one of the
hardest things in the world to do.
Unhappiness is an effect as well. If you wish to be happy, the
first thing to do is to decide for yourself the kind of life
situation in which you would feel wonderful. Think of the very
best times of your life, and think of what you were doing, where
you were doing it, and the people you were with at the time.
Then write out, in complete detail, a description of your ideal
lifestyle. Now you have defined the effect that you desire.
Next, look at your current life and ask yourself, “What are all
the things in my life that are inconsistent with the lifestyle
that would make me happy?” In other words, look at the causes of
the effects that you don’t like. Then make a decision to begin
alleviating or removing those causes, one by one, until what you
have left is the kind of life you want to live.
Your thoughts are extremely powerful. They have the power to
raise and lower your blood pressure, your pulse rate and your
respiratory rate. They can affect your digestion. And if your
thoughts are strong enough, they can even make you sick or
healthy. Your thoughts tend to trigger images in your mind, and
the feelings in your body are consistent with them. If you think
or read happy, healthy thoughts, you will have happy, healthy
pictures and experience happy, healthy emotions. As Deepak
Chopra points out in his audiocassette program Magical Mind,
Magical Body, every part of your mind is connected to every
single part of your body in a complex web of messages and
impulses that affect everything you feel, say and do.
Only you can think your thoughts, only you can decide what
you’ll dwell upon, what you’ll read and listen to, who you’ll
associate with and the conversations you’ll engage in;
therefore, you are totally responsible for all the consequences
of all those behaviors. It’s unavoidable.
Perhaps the most important part of the subject of
self-responsibility involves your happiness and your peace of
mind. There seems to be a direct relationship between
responsibility and happiness on the one hand, and
irresponsibility and unhappiness on the other hand. Let me
explain.
First of all, the key to happiness is having a sense of control
over what’s going on in your life. The more you feel that you’re
in control, the happier you’ll be. Men and women who have risen
to the top of their organizations tend to be far happier than
people further down. This is because they feel far more in
control of their destinies, far more capable of making decisions
and taking action. The more responsibility you take in your
company, the more power, authority and respect you’ll receive.
One of the smartest things you can do is to take responsibility
for the most important concerns of your boss. The more you
accept responsibility for getting results in the areas that your
boss considers most important, the more valuable and
indispensable you’ll become in your organization. People who
want more money and more respect often think that they can get
it simply by asking for it or by politicking. The truth is that
it will accrue to you rapidly as soon as you “step up to the
plate” and undertake responsibility for results in your
organization. The most respected people in any company are those
who are the most capable of getting the most important jobs done
on schedule.
The more responsibility you take, the more in control you are.
And the freer you are, especially in your own mind, to make
decisions and to do the things you want to do. So there’s a
direct relationship between responsibility, control, freedom and
happiness. The happiest people in the world are those who feel
absolutely terrific about themselves, and this is the natural
outgrowth of accepting total responsibility for every part of
their lives.
At the other end of the spectrum, there is irresponsibility, or
the failure to accept responsibility. Each person is somewhere
in between, moving toward a higher level of responsibility or
irresponsibility with every word and every decision. In fact, a
good definition of insanity is total irresponsibility, to the
point of needing a straitjacket and a padded cell. Thomas Szasz,
the great psychoanalyst, once wrote, “There is no such thing as
insanity. There are only varying levels of irresponsibility.”
A person who is completely irresponsible is subject to anger,
hostility, fear, resentment, doubt-all sorts of negative
emotions. And here’s why. All negative emotions tend to be
associated with blame. Fully 99 percent of all our problems
exist only because we’re able to blame someone or something for
them. The instant we stop blaming, our negative emotions begin
disappearing.
What’s the antidote to blaming? It’s simple! Since your mind can
hold only one thought at a time, either positive or negative,
you can override the tendency to blame and become angry simply
by saying, firmly, “I am responsible!” You can’t accept
responsibility for a situation and be angry at the same time.
You can’t accept responsibility and be unhappy or upset. The
acceptance of responsibility negates negative emotions and
short-circuits any tendencies toward unhappiness.
The very act of accepting responsibility calms your mind and
clarifies your vision. It soothes your emotions and enables you
to think more positively and constructively. In fact, the
acceptance of responsibility often gives you insight into what
you should do to resolve the situation.
Here’s an exercise: Look at the most common problems and
difficulties that people have in life. Apply this simple remedy
of accepting responsibility to each one, and see what happens.
People have problems with other people-their spouses, their
children, their friends, their coworkers and their bosses.
Someone once said that almost all of our problems in life have
hair on top, come on two legs and talk back. So think of the
people in your life who cause you any stress or anxiety and ask
yourself who is responsible. Are they responsible for being in
your life, or are you responsible for having them in your life?
According to the Law of Attraction, you’re a living magnet in
that you invariably attract people into your life who harmonize
with your dominant thoughts and emotions. The people in your
life are there because you’ve attracted them by the person you
are, by the thoughts you hold, by the emotions you experience.
If you’re not happy with the people surrounding you, you’re
responsible. You’re attracting them, and you’re keeping them
there.
Let me give you an example. I have four beautiful children. For
a long time, when my children were behaving in ways that I felt
were inappropriate, I had a tendency to blame or criticize them.
However, the more I studied child raising and learned about the
subject, the more I found that children are almost totally
reactive. Their behaviors are almost always responses to what is
going on around them and to their relationships with their
parents. So I began asking the question, “What is it in me that
is causing my child to act this way?” As soon as I turned the
question around, and looked to myself for the reason-in effect,
accepted complete responsibility for my children’s behavior-I
was able to see what I might be doing, or not doing, that my
children were reacting to. Perhaps I wasn’t spending enough
one-on-one time with them. Perhaps I wasn’t listening to them
when they wanted to talk. Perhaps I was too quick to question
their report cards.
I began to apply that simple principle to every other part of my
life as well. I began asking, “What is it in me that is causing
this external situation?” If the Law of Correspondence is true
(and it is), and everything that is happening to you on the
outside is due to something that is happening to you on the
inside, then the first place to look is within. As soon as you
do that, you begin to see things that you had completely missed
when you were busy blaming others and making excuses. You begin
to see that you’re responsible in large measure for the things
that are happening to you.
If you’re in a bad relationship, who got you there? You likely
weren’t marched into the relationship and kept there at
gunpoint. So it’s largely a matter of free will and free choice
on your part. If you’re not happy, it’s up to you to do
something about it. As Henry Ford II once said, “Never complain,
never explain.” If you’re not happy with the situation, do
something about it. If you’re not willing to do something about
it, then don’t complain.
There’s the story of the construction worker who opens up his
lunch box at the noon break and unwraps his sandwich to find
that it contains sardines. He gets really upset and complains
loudly to everyone around him about how much he hates sardines.
The next day, the same thing happens: a sardine sandwich. Again,
the construction worker shouts and complains about how much he
hates sardines for lunch. The third day it happens again. By
this time, his fellow workers are getting fed up with his loud
complaining. One of them leans over and says to him, “If you
hate sardines so much, why don’t you tell your wife to make you
some other kind of sandwich?” The construction worker turns to
the fellow and says, “Oh, I’m not married. I make my own
lunches!”
Many of us get into the same situation as the construction
worker’s and complain about circumstances that are almost
entirely of our own making. Is this true for you? Look over your
relationships and ask where this might be true in your life.
Are you happy with your job? Are you happy with the amount of
money you’re earning? Are you happy with your level of
responsibility and your activities each day? If you’re not, you
need to accept that you’re completely responsible for every
aspect of your job and your career. Why? Because you chose it
freely. You took the job, you assumed the responsibilities, and
you accepted the wage. If you’re not happy with any of them, for
any reason, then it’s up to you to do something different.
You’re earning today exactly what you’re worth-not a penny more,
not a penny less. In life, we tend to get exactly what we
deserve. If you’re not satisfied with the amount you’re getting,
look around you, at people who are doing the kind of work you
would like to do and earning the kind of money you would like to
earn. Ask them what they’re doing differently from what you’re
doing. What are the causes of the effects they’re getting? Once
you know what they are, accept complete responsibility for your
situation, apply your wonderful mind and abilities, back them
with willpower and self-discipline, and get busy making the
changes you need to make to enjoy the life you want to enjoy.
Your great aim in life is to develop character. Character is
composed of self-esteem, self-discipline, the ability to delay
gratification, and the willingness to accept full responsibility
for your life and everything in it. The more you say to
yourself, “I am responsible,” the stronger, better and finer a
person you become. And every part of your life will improve at
the same time
About Brian Tracy
Brian Tracy is a leading
authority on personal and business success. As Chairman and CEO
of
Brian Tracy International, he is the best-selling
author of 17 books and over 300 audio and video learning
programs. Copyright © 2001 Brian Tracy International. All Rights
Reserved.
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