Perhaps the
most powerful influence on your attitude and personality is what
you say to yourself, and believe. It is not what happens to you,
but how you respond internally to what happens to you, that
determines your thoughts and felling and, ultimately, your
actions. By controlling your inner dialogue, or “self-talk,” you
can begin to assert control over every other dimension of your
life.
Your self-talk, the words that you use to describe what is
happening to you, and to discuss how you feel about external
events, determines the quality and tone of your emotional life.
When you see things positively and constructively and look for
the good in each situation and each person, you have a tendency
to remain naturally positive and optimistic. Since the quality
of your life is determined by how you feel, moment to moment,
one of your most important goals should be to use every
psychological technique available to keep yourself thinking
about what you want and to keep your mind off of what you don’t
want, or what you fear.
Arnold Toynbee, the historian, developed what he called the
“challenge-response theory” of history. In studying the rise and
fall of 20 major world civilizations, Toynbee concluded that
each civilization started out as a small group of people - as a
village, as a tribe or in the case of the Mongol empire, as just
three people who had survived the destruction of their small
community. Toynbee concluded that each of these small groups
faced external challenges, such as hostile tribes. In order to
survive, much less thrive, these small groups had to reorganize
themselves to deal positively and constructively with these
challenges.
By meeting each of these challenges successfully, the village or
tribe would grow. Even greater challenges would be triggered as
a result. And if this group of people continued to meet each
challenge by drawing upon its resources and winning out, it
would continue to grow until ultimately it became a nation-state
and then a civilization covering a large geographical area.
Toynbee looked at the 21 great civilizations of human history,
ending with the American civilization, and concluded that these
civilizations began to decline and fall apart when their
citizens and leaders lost the will or ability to rise to the
inevitable external challenges occasioned by their very size and
power.
Toynbee’s theory of civilizations can be applicable to our life
as well.
You are continually faced with challenges and difficulties, with
problems and disappointments, with temporary setbacks and
defeats. They are an unavoidable and inevitable part of being
human. But, as you draw upon your resources to respond
effectively to each challenge, you grow and become a stronger
and better person. In fact, without those setbacks, you could
not have learned what you needed to know and developed the
qualities of your character to where they are today.
Much of your ability to succeed comes from the way you deal with
life. One of the characteristics of superior men and women is
that they recognize the inevitability of temporary
disappointments and defeats, and they accept them as a normal
and natural part of life. They do everything possible to avoid
problems, but when problems come, superior people learn from
them, rise above the, and continue onward in the direction of
their dreams.
Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania has
written a fascinating book based on his 25 years of research
into this subject. It’s titled Learned Optimism. In this book,
Dr. Seligman explains the basic response patterns of both
positive and negative people. As a result of his many years of
work in cognitive therapy, and the use of exhaustive testing, he
finds, quite simply, that optimistic people tend to interpret
events in such a way that they keep their minds positive and
their emotions under control.
Optimists develop the habit of talking to themselves in
constructive ways. Whenever they experience an adversity, they
immediately describe it to themselves in such a way that it
loses its ability to trigger negative emotions and feelings of
helplessness.
Dr. Seligman says that are three basic differences in the
reactions of optimists and pessimists. The first difference is
that the optimist sees a setback as temporary, while the
pessimist sees it as permanent. The optimist sees an unfortunate
event, such as an order that falls through or a sales call that
fails, as a temporary event, something that is limited in time
and that has no real impact on the future. The pessimist, on the
other hand, sees negative events as permanent, as part of life
and destiny.
For example, let’s say that the optimistic salesperson makes 10
calls on likely prospects, and every one of those calls is
unsuccessful. The optimist simply interprets this as a temporary
event and a matter of averages or probabilities. The optimist
concludes that, with every temporary failure, he is moving
closer to the prospect who will turn into a sale. The optimist
dismisses the event and goes on cheerfully to the 11th and 12th
prospects.
The pessimist sees the same situation differently. The pessimist
has a tendency to conclude that 10 unsuccessful sales calls is
an indication that the economy is terrible and that there is no
market for his product. The pessimist generalizes and begins to
see the situation and his career as hopeless. While the optimist
just shrugs it off and gets on with the next call, the pessimist
becomes discouraged and loses heart and enthusiasm for the hard
work of prospecting.
The second difference between the optimist and the pessimist is
that the optimist sees difficulties as specific, while the
pessimist sees them as pervasive. This means that when things go
wrong for the optimist, he looks at the event as an isolated
incident largely disconnected from other things that are going
on in his life.
For example, if something you were counting on failed to
materialize and you interpreted it to yourself as being an
unfortunate event, but something that happens in the course of
life and business, you would be reacting like an optimist. The
pessimist, on the other hand, sees disappointments as being
pervasive. That is, to him they are indications of a problem or
shortcoming that pervades every area of life.
If a pessimist worked hard to put together a business deal and
it collapsed, he would tend to assume that the deal did not work
out was because the product or the company or the economy was in
poor shape and the whole business was hopeless. The pessimist
would tend to feel helpless, unable to make a difference and out
of control of his destiny.
The third difference between optimists and pessimists is that
optimists see events as external, while pessimists interpret
events as personal. When things go wrong, the optimist will tend
to see the setback as result from external factors over which
one has little control.
If the optimist is cut off in traffic, for example, instead of
getting angry or upset, he will simply downgrade the importance
of the event by saying something like, “oh, well, I guess that
person is just having a bad day.”
The pessimist has a tendency to take everything personally. If
the pessimist is cut off in traffic, he will react as though the
other driver has deliberately acted to upset and frustrate him.
The pessimist will become angry and negative and want to strike
out and get even. Often, he will honk his horn or yell at the
other driver. There is a natural tendency in all of us to react
emotionally when our expectations are frustrated in any way.
When something we wanted and hoped for fails to materialize, we
feel a temporary sense of disappointment and unhappiness. We
feel disillusioned. We react as though we have been punched in
the “emotional solar plexus”.
The optimistic person, however, soon moves beyond this
disappointment. He responds quickly to the adverse event and
interprets it as being temporary, specific and external to
himself. The optimist takes full control of his inner dialogue
and counters the negative feelings by immediately reframing the
event so that it appear positive in some way.
Napoleon Hill, who, prior to writing his best-selling books on
success, interviewed 500 of the most successful people in
America, concluded that “Contained within a setback or
disappointment is the seed of an equal or greater advantage or
benefit.” And this is one of the great secrets of success.
Since your conscious mind can hold only one thought at a time,
either positive or negative, if you deliberately choose a
positive thought to dwell upon, you keep your mind optimistic
and your emotions positive. Since your thoughts and feelings
determine your actions, you will tend to be a more constructive
person, and you will move much more rapidly toward the goals
that you have chosen.
It all comes down to the way you talk to yourself on a regular
basis. In our courses of problem solving and decisions making,
we encourage people to respond to problems by changing their
language from negative to positive. Instead of using the word
problem, we encourage people to use the word situation. You see,
a problem is something that you deal with. The event is the
same. It’s the way you interpret the event to yourself that
makes it sound and appear completely different.
Even better than situation is the word challenge. Whenever you
have a difficulty, immediately reframe it and choose to view it
as a challenge. Rather than saying, “I have a problem,” say, “I
have an interesting challenge facing me.” The word challenge is
inherently positive. It is something that you rise to that makes
you stronger and better. It is the same situation, only the word
that you are using to describe it is different.
The best of all possible words is the word opportunity. When you
are faced with a difficulty of any kind, instead of saying, “I
have a problem,” you can say, “I am faced with an unexpected
opportunity.” And if you concentrate your powers on finding out
what that opportunity is-even if it is only a valuable
lesson-you will certainly find it. As the parable says, “Seek
and ye shall find, for all who seek find it.”
One of my favorite affirmative statements, which I use to deal
with any unexpected difficulty, is this: “Every situation is a
positive situation if viewed as an opportunity for growth and
self-mastery. Whenever something goes wrong, immediately
neutralize its negative power by quickly reciting this
statement.
If you are in sales, and your method of prospecting is not
generating the results that you desire, you can view it as an
opportunity for growth and self-mastery. The adversity you are
facing may be meant to indicate to you that there is a better
way to approach this task. Perhaps you should be prospecting in
a different place, or with different people, or using a
different script or a different method. Perhaps your difficulty
is simply part of the process of developing the persistence and
tenacity that you need to become successful in any kind of
market. The difference between the winner and the loser is that
the winner faces and deals with the adversity constructively,
while the loser allows the adversity to overwhelm him.
The hallmark of the fully mature, fully functioning,
self-actualizing personality is the ability to be objective and
unemotional when caught up in the inevitable storms of daily
life. The superior person has the ability to continue talking to
himself in a positive and optimistic way, keeping his mind calm,
clear and completely under control. The mature personality is
more relaxed and aware and capable of interpreting events more
realistically and less emotionally than is the immature
personality. As a result, the mature person exerts a far greater
sense of control and influence over his environment, and is far
less likely to be angry, upset, or distracted.
The starting point in the process of becoming a highly effective
person is to monitor and control your self-talk every minute of
the day. Keep your thoughts and your words positive and
consistent with your goals, and keep your mind focused on what
you want to do and the person you want to be.
Here are five ideas you can use to help you to be a more
positive and optimistic person:
First, resolve in advance that no matter what happens, you will
not allow it to get you down. You will respond in a constructive
way. You will take a deep breath, relax and look for whatever
good the situation my contain. When you make this decision in
advance, you mentally prepare yourself so that you are not
knocked off balance when things go wrong, as they inevitably
will.
Second, neutralize any negative thoughts or emotions by speaking
to yourself positively all the time. Say things like, “I feel
healthy! I feel happy! I feel terrific!” As you go about your
job, say to yourself, I like myself, and I love my work!” Say
things like, “Today is a great day; it’s wonderful to be alive!”
According to the law of expression, whatever is expressed is
impressed. Whatever you say to yourself or others is impressed
deeply into your subconscious mind and is likely to become a
permanent part of your personality.
Third, look upon the inevitable setbacks that you face as being
temporary, specific and external. View the negative situations
as a single event that is not connected to other potential
events and that is caused largely by external factors over which
you can have little control. Simply refuse to see the event as
being in any way permanent, pervasive or indicative of personal
incompetence of inability.
Fourth, remember that it is impossible to learn and grow and
become a successful person without adversity and difficulties.
You must contend with and rise above them in order to become a
better person. Welcome each difficulty by saying, “That’s good!”
and then look into the situation to find the good in it.
Finally, keep your thoughts on your goals and dreams, on the
person you are working toward becoming. When things go wrong
temporarily, respond by saying to yourself, “I believe in the
perfect outcome of every situation in my life.” Resolve to be
cheerful and pleasant, and resist every temptation toward
negativity and disappointment. View a disappointment as an
opportunity to grow stronger, and about it to yourself and
others in a positive and optimistic way
About Brian Tracy
Brian Tracy is a leading
authority on personal and business success. As Chairman and CEO
of
Brian Tracy International, he is the best-selling
author of 17 books and over 300 audio and video learning
programs. Copyright © 2001 Brian Tracy International. All Rights
Reserved.
