Over the years, I’ve
learned that fully 85 percent of what you accomplish in your
career and in your personal life will be determined by how well
you get your message across and by how capable you are of
inspiring people to take action on your ideas and
recommendations.
You can be limited in other respects by education, contacts and
intelligence, but if you can interact effectively with others,
minute by minute and hour by hour, your future can be unlimited.
I an going to share with you some ideas, techniques and skills
that you can use to accelerate your progress toward power
communication. But first, there are two major myths about
communication that must be dispelled.
The first myth, which many people believe, is that because they
can talk, they can communicate with others. Men especially,
according to the research, think that by speaking louder and
faster, they’re more effective in dealing with people. Many
people think that because they have the gift of gab, because
they have no problem talking to others on any subject that comes
to mind, they’re good communicators.
Often, exactly the opposite is true. Many people who talk a lot
are often poor communicators even terrible communicators. Many
people in sales and business think that being able to string a
lot of words together in a breathless fashion makes them
excellent at getting a message understood by others. However, in
most cases, those people are seen as boring or obnoxious, or
both.
Let me say this slowly and clearly: The ability to talk is not
the same as the ability to communicate. As I will discuss later,
the ability to communicate is the ability both to send and to
receive a message. The ability to communicate is the ability to
make an impact on the thoughts, feelings and actions of someone.
Many people who consider themselves excellent talkers are not
very effective at all in this regard.
So let’s dispel the first myth, the myth that talking is equal
to communicating. Don’t allow yourself to become complacent. The
ability to talk to one or more persons is only the basic
requirement for communication. It’s the starting point. It’s the
jumping-off place. Effective communication is something else
again.
The second myth about effective communication is that it’s a
skill that people are born with. Either you have it or you don’t
have it. If you’re not extroverted, gregarious and outgoing, you
don’t have what it takes to be a good communicator.
Again, nothing could be further from the truth. Communication is
a skill that you can learn. it’s like riding a bicycle or
typing. It takes time and practice, over and over. But if you’re
willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of
every part of your life, as you will soon see.
Communication requires both a sender and a receiver. The process
of communication happens rapidly, and this same process takes
place whenever two or more people exchange ideas. First, the
sender thinks of an idea or image that he or she wishes to
convey to the receiver. The sender then translates the idea or
image into a form, or words, either written or spoken. Those
words constitute the basic message that is transmitted to the
receiver. The receiver catches the words, like a baseball player
catches a baseball, and then translates the words into the ideas
and pictures that they represent in order to understand the
message that was sent.
The receiver then acknowledges receipt, and replies by
translating his or her ideas and pictures into words and
transmitting them to the sender. When the message has been sent
and the receiver has acknowledged receiving it by transmitting a
response that the sender receives, accepts and understands, the
communication is complete. If this sounds complicated, it is.
Probably 99 percent of all the difficulties between human
beings, and within organizations, are caused by breakdowns in
the communication process. Either the senders do not say what
they mean clearly enough, or the receivers do not receive the
message in the form in which it was intended.
An enormous number of factors can interfere in any
communication, and every one of them can lead to a distortion of
the message in some way. Probably every problem you’ll ever have
will be somehow associated with a failure or breakdown in the
communication process. Let me explain. According to Albert
Mehrabian, a communications specialist, there are three elements
in any direct, face-to-face communication: words, tone of voice
and body language. You’ve probably heard that words account for
only 7 percent of the message, tone of voice accounts for 38
percent of the message, and body language accounts for fully 55
percent of the message. For an effective communication to take
place, all three parts of the message must be congruent. If
there is any incongruency, the receiver will be confused and
will tend to accept the predominant form of communication rather
than simply the literal meaning of the words.
Very often, you will say something that you feel is innocuous to
a person and he will be offended. When you try to explain that
you felt the words you used were inoffensive, the person will
tell you that your tone of voice was the issue.
The third ingredient of communication, body language, is also
very important. The way you sit or stand or incline your head or
move your eyes, relative to the person with whom You’re
communicating, will have an enormous effect on the message
received.
For example, you can dramatically increase the effect of your
communications by leaning toward the person You’re speaking
with. If You’re sitting down, this is easy. If You’re standing
up, you can accomplish the same effect by shifting your weight
forward onto the balls of your feet and leaning slightly toward
the person You’re talking to. When you make direct eye and face
contact with the person, combined with focused attention, you
double the impact of what You’re saying.
In fact, one of the easiest ways for you to break off a
conversation, almost like knocking a needle off a phonograph
record, is by just turning away from a person and looking into
the distance when he is speaking. That will usually abruptly
cause the person to stop speaking. He will feel that he’s just
been abandoned in the middle of the conversation.
So your choice of words is important, but even more important is
your tone of voice and your body language. The better you can
coordinate all three of those ingredients, the more impact your
message will have, and the greater will be the likelihood that a
person will both understand it and react the way you want him
to.
you’ve heard the saying that God gave man two ears and one
mouth, and in conversation, you should use them in those
proportions. Truer words were never spoken. The best
communicators are excellent listeners. The worst communicators
are continuous talkers. In fact, often the most important part
of the message is the part that is conveyed by the pauses you
make between thoughts and ideas. The message is conveyed in the
silence that takes place during the lulls in conversation. All
master communicators have learned to be comfortable with
silence. Remember that a person can absorb only a certain amount
of information, as ground can absorb only a certain amount of
water. If you pour too much water onto the ground, it will form
into puddles instead of soak in. A person’s mind is very much
the same. If you don’t give someone an opportunity to absorb
what you’re saying, by pausing and waiting quietly and
patiently, he will be overwhelmed by the continuous stream of
thoughts and ideas, and often will distort the message and miss
the point.
One of the most vital requirements for effective communication,
especially with important messages, is preparation. Preparation
is the mark of the true professional. The late Coach Paul “Bear”
Bryant of the University of Alabama football team was famous for
saying, “It’s not the will to win but the will to prepare to win
that counts.” In all communications, the will to prepare in
advance of talking and interacting with people is the key to
achieving maximum effectiveness.
In high school and college debating, where the individuals and
teams are judged on the effectiveness of their ability to get
their ideas across and to win their points, they’re taught to
prepare exhaustively. Especially, they’re taught to prepare the
debate from the point of view of the opposition before they
prepare their own arguments. Lawyers were taught to do this in
law school. Before they go into court, lawyers think through
every possible piece of evidence or information that favors the
opposing party. They then prepare their arguments in such a way
as to undermine what they think the opposing party will present
as its strongest point.
Remember that in communicating, people do things for their own
reasons, not for yours. Everyone’s favorite radio station is
WIIFM, which means “What’s in it for me?”
The more important the communication, either in business or
personal life, the more important it is to prepare for it. Think
through where the other person is coming from. What is his or
her point of view? What are his or her problems or concerns?
What is he or she trying to accomplish? What is his or her level
of knowledge or information about the subject under discussion?
The best communicators do not use a lot of words, but they
choose their words carefully, in advance. People appreciate
straight talking. Avoid the tendency to dress up your message
and sugarcoat it. When you have a question or a concern, or you
want something, come right out and say it without confusion or
distortion. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel and how
much more positively someone will respond to your message.
In getting your point across, perhaps the most important word of
all is the word ask. The most effective people are those who are
the best at asking for what they want. They ask questions to
uncover real needs and concerns. They ask questions to
illuminate objections and problems that people might have with
what They’re suggesting. They ask questions to expand the
conversation and to increase their understanding of where people
are really coming from.
You get your message understood by getting out of yourself, by
putting your ego aside, and by focusing all of your attention on
the other person. You get people to do the things you want them
to do by presenting your arguments in terms of their interests,
in terms of what they want to be and have and do. You prepare
thoroughly in advance of any important conversation. You think
before you speak, and you think on paper. You can say almost
anything if you say it, or ask it, pleasantly, positively and
with courtesy and friendliness.
The ability to communicate is a skill that you can learn by
becoming genuinely interested in people and by putting their
needs ahead of your own when sending a message or asking them to
do something for you. When you concentrate your attention on
building trust, on the one hand, and on seeking to understand,
on the other hand, You’ll become known and respected as an
effective communicator everywhere you go.
About Brian Tracy
Brian Tracy is a leading
authority on personal and business success. As Chairman and CEO
of
Brian Tracy International, he is the best-selling
author of 17 books and over 300 audio and video learning
programs. Copyright © 2001 Brian Tracy International. All Rights
Reserv
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